What credit crunch?

In response to Mel's comment about empty shops and the such like...

It's completely different here. Every time we go to Brookfield there's at least one person wheeling out a very large flat screen. Crowds all over the place. Trollies and food cages block our way. People push past in a desperate attempt to grab the last box of mince pies (there's plenty to go round!). Clothes shops offer 20-40% off as well as the new reduction in tax.

We always look at each other and say, "What credit crunch?" People are madly spending like never before. You'd think they would actually realise that it's this kind of crazy behaviour that got us into this mess in the first place...!

The end of the novels

So, yeah I stopped the novel halfway through. Well, I was just over halfway. I got up to 26,452. But I got bored with it. And I can't expect people to enjoy reading it when I'm not enjoying writing it. Maybe I'll pick it up again at a later date.

I'm glad I had a bash at it though. It made me realise how little I actually knew about everyday life in ancient Greece. I had to keep leaving highlighted sentences all over so I could nip to another tab and Google my half-remembered factoids just to make sure I was right. It was crazy. Deffo more research needed next time!

On the plus side, Omouse has a stonking great novel. Shame I started at chpt 16 though. I had absolutely no idea what was going on...

Uhm, hello...?

So Liarbyrd and Omouse are flunking. Well, they have to be! Not a nano-blog in sight. (start whinge) I wanna read people's nanos!!! (end whinge)

And we're off!!

I went a bit crazy and did two chapters in one go. Well, I'm out all day tomorrow and won't find time to write.

I also went out today and bought myself a nice new wool coat because the pink one has seen better days. The lining broke between one arm and the back and no matter how many times I dry-clean it, it still has a grey tinge. So it's gone. And I bought a new handbag too. The purple one makes my shoulder hurt. I got a nice teal one with fancy chains and stuff. It's very retro.

One more day to go...

Ooh, so excited!!

It's Nano time!

I went for the plunge and signed up. Well, it's the 10th anniversary and all so I thought I'd give it another bash. I promise it won't be the awful chick-lit I spat out in 2004! #A-novelling we will go, a-novelling we will go, hey ho hey ho, a-novelling we will go. Oh, a-novelling...# (continues to hum) (at work) (with the new temp staring at her like she is crazy)

Puppetry of the Penis

Yep, you read right. Basically an hour of watching two naked men making 'genital origami' as they delicately put it. They then not so delicately say, "Also a chance for you to stare at our willies for 50 mins." Yeah, that's what I thought it was.

I was, understandably, initially horrified but the men's enthusiasm and unabashed exhibitionism soon won us over and we were laughing like mad by the end. I might even get the book...

Late night shopping

Anna took me to Lakeside this evening after work. It’s been mutually decided that we’ll all dress up for our grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary this weekend as they usually look nice and make an effort, so we should too. We hit all the dress shops and finally get purchases from Debenhams – a black and teal paisley dress from Jane Norman for Anna and a beige and black lace dress by Julien Macdonald for me. We are gonna look gorgeous!!

It was quite late and we needed to find a sweet shop that sold ‘rhubarb and custards’ for Chris. We go to the big sweet shop and while Anna is making her choice, I nip over to Millie’s Cookies for hot chocolate and two cookies for Reuben. I walked back and she wasn’t there! What the hell? I sat on a bench and waited. She comes rushing out of the sweet shop.
“I looked for you but you weren’t in there.”
“I was by the beans at the back.”
“Why?”
“The man yelled at me.”
Look of disbelief.
“Yeah, he was talking in some rubbish language and I asked him about the chocolate bars and he was yelling at me, “Oh you people have TIME on your hands, you’re all RUBBISH, can’t do anything” and just having a go.”
“Shit!”
“I know! I was backed up into the corner and he turned and I escaped!”
“Do you want me to have a go at him?”
“No, you’re alright.”

Slightly shocked we go to the small sweet counter just round the corner from the shop. Anna shovels the sweets into a bag and the guy weighs them.
“£6.92” he says.
“Oh,” Anna says, “can I put some back?”
“How much?”
“Well I only wanted a fiver.”
“£5?”
“£5” Anna says, holding up 4 fingers and a thumb.
“£5,” the man repeats.
“You want £5 for that?” Anna asks, a bit bewildered.
“£5” he says again, holding his hand out and opening the till.
“Okay!” Anna says, whipping out a note.
The man takes it, gives her the bag and then passes us two chocolate mint creams as well.
“Cool,” I said. “The man round the corner yelled at us. Definitely coming here again!”
The man grinned. We walked away delighted.
“Do you think he understood what we were saying?” Anna asks.
“I dunno.” Pause. “Do you reckon it’s stealing?”
“Why? I paid for them!”
“Not fully.”
“Oh well.”

No Nano

I thought I'd be smart and try to get my creative juices flowing in time for the Nano by writing a mini novella. I got to 2,000 words and had the beginnings of a very graphic sex novel. It was almost porn. If that's the best my imagination can come up with, I'm screwed. And I'm certainly not posting! So Nano is out, unless I can rewire my imagination to not write sex scenes even Mills and Boon wouldn't publish. I'm embarrassed to even admit it! My brain cells must be really dusty and dying for some action... (cough)

More new things

‘Tis the week for new things! I went for a regular ear check-up and came out with digital hearing aids. It’s different from my old analogue aid in that my old aid just amplified all noises which could be quite painful for instance if there were sirens or road works. Now the only sounds that are amplified are the ones I can’t naturally hear, so in my case, very low frequency and all high frequency. All mid-range noises are amplified very slightly. Some noises that are usually muffled are now sharper. All in all, it’s a more natural hearing experience, although very strange as I’m used to everything being really loud and muffled!

Its all becoming a bit tinny though. And I can’t hear things behind me anymore. And I can’t hear things I used to. For instance, I can’t hear my car engine anymore. But in a way its good as it doesn’t drown out the radio anymore and I don’t have to have it so loud. However, as soon as I start to sing along to the music, my aids think I’m having a conversation and the music becomes quieter, because they cut out background noise to make talking easier. Oh, I’ll get the hang of it eventually!

New licence

I received my new driving licence today. My photo is now black and white and there are a number of security features which are a nit naff – a steering wheel that changes colour, for example. But its nifty and has my new, lovely and very long name on it!

Home again

We spent the rest of our holiday doing nothing. just relaxing by the pool, sleeping in our room, and enjoying to variety of cuisine available in the hotel. Every night was a themed night, so we had French, then Mediterranean, then Egyptian, then International… It was really good and better than having the same thing every day like we did on the Orchid.

But we flew home today and upon arriving at Gatwick, found ourselves among all the people we spent time with on the cruise ship! It was like a mini reunion! Then all it took was a short taxi ride to Gatwick Worth Hotel to pick up the car, and then we drove home. As much as I loved our honeymoon, it was nice to be back in our own bed again!!

Luxor Museum

We want to see Luxor museum and so, armed with the helpful hints given to us at the beginning of our holiday, we find a taxi driver and order him to go straight to Luxor museum and go nowhere else. Our five minute taxi ride costs us $20 Egyptian - £2! He offers to take us somewhere else after our visit and we agree to meet him again at 12.30. the museum was lovely and cool and practically empty of people. It was so nice to be able to amble around and not worry about holding up the group or having to rush past things you want to see. Reuben feels a bit queasy but not as bad as I was, so he sits down for much of the visit.

To kill some time, we browse in the bookshop and are cornered by the owner. He offers me a mythology book for £20. I know its worth less and say I’m not interested. He then corners Reuben and says he takes cash, cheques, cards and we politely refuse again. But he stills persists, “Okay, £15” and we start to back up further into the shop. It was very intimidating and kinda scary. Reuben, poor thing, knocks over a pile of books on the floor as he steps back and the shopkeeper gets annoyed and says, “Fine, just go then.” We couldn’t wait and ran out as fast as we could. We stood near a tourist police guard for a bit of reassurance and the shopkeeper comes out of the shop again, brandishing the book and says to Reuben, “Fine, £10, but for her, not for you” and we snap it up! Nothing like a little haggling!!

Outside the taxi driver was waiting and said he wanted to go home and sleep. (Egyptians sleep in the middle of the day as its too hot to do anything.) We asked him to take us to MacDonalds and then he can go. Saying “I want MacDonalds” is a good way of saying that you want to see the Luxor marketplace but don’t want to be taken to every person he knows in town! Once at Maccy D’s, you can make your own way around the shops one block away and its supposed to be good. I say ‘supposed to be’ because we seem to have picked the wrong day and there isn’t a shop open anywhere! We stop in MD’s for a long cool drink and find another taxi to take us back to the hotel.

Before we step in, we notice a tourist shop open next door and go inside looking for magnets to take home. We chat to the shopkeeper who reveals that his brother has set up in North Yorkshire. “It’s a lot colder there than Egypt,” I half say to myself. “Yes,” the shopkeeper says, “its bloody freezing!” and we all burst out laughing! I finally chose a small Tutankhamen head for myself and a larger one for Anna, as she’s just moved out and might need something to decorate her flat. Next door to this place was a T-shirt shop and the guy was trying to sell us T-shirts for £20 each. We finally managed to haggle him down to £15 for three. We rock!

Back to Luxor

We go back to Luxor later today so spend the morning by the pool. We meet a French couple next to us on the sun beds and Reuben chats away in his semi-fluent French and I catch a few words along the way. The woman doesn’t know a word of English so I have a slight advantage, but not by much!

While waiting for our pink-shirted rep, Reuben and I meet an English couple from… St Albans. Seriously. 20 miles down the road from us! Small world or what? They are going to the same hotel as us and we have a short conversation about the traffic in Cairo!

Our rep finally arrives and we say goodbye to him and our security escort at the airport. Back on a lovely Egypt Air flight to Luxor and then we meet with another minibus to take us to the hotel. Our Newcastle family companions leave us for Le Soffitel and we head on to Le Meridian, which is now owned by the Steigenberger group. Le Meridian hotel gives us a balcony room that overlooks the Nile and you can just make out the highest peak of the West bank where the Valley of the Kings is. Its all very grand!

Pyramids

No matter how many times you’ve seen the pyramids on TV it is nothing compared to being right there and staring at them. To be honest I expected them to be a bit bigger… but then I expected the Sphinx to be smaller so it was a happy compromise! We walked around the pyramids, avoiding the locals trying to sell us camel rides. Anyone trying to take a photo of the camels were ordered to pay some money. I managed to sneak in a couple of shots for free! But Becky paid to stroke a camel which was what she really wanted to do so didn’t mind.

The police guard was still with us today and we have been joined by another Egyptologist, Iman. She is very amusing and chatters away about Cairo traffic. I ask if anyone actually takes driving tests in Egypt. Cairo is full of battered cars and we have not yet seen one vehicle without a bump or scratch. Iman laughs and says that even though Egyptians are supposed to take lessons, most get their licence through backhanders. Sneaky! She wouldn’t say if that was how she got her licence though!!

After spending ages walking around the pyramids and the Sphinx, we had a group photo of us all and made our way to the Citadel. It was beautiful and thankfully I was dressed appropriately in my shirt and cropped trousers. The other girls had to wear bright green robes as they wore vest tops and tiny shorts so had their shoulders, chests and upper legs exposed. Iman briefly told us how the Muslims prayed in the Citadel and the customs they observe. It led to an interesting discussion about how Muslims in other countries are usually more strict than those still in their countries of origin.

By now its 2pm and with the heat taking its toll we move to have lunch… at the Hard Rock Café. I know, I know, I’m in Egypt and we go to an American chain! Its sacrilege really… But we got there and found the buffet was not all that appetising anyway. Not so much as a burger! Wish we could have ordered off the menu! I was cheered up by the Harley in the lobby though. That made my day right there and then!

Lastly we went to the Cairo Museum. It has no air conditioning and is incredibly hot inside, almost sauna-like. There are fans dotted all over the walls and we keep trying to move so we can stand in front of them! Despite the heat it was a really cool museum and wished we could have spent more time on our own in there. We were shown all the treasures that Tutankhamen had inside his tomb and we even got to see all three of his sarcophaguses, as well as his jewellery, ankhs and all sorts of adornments. It was truly amazing. Sadly they have a lot of replicas in the museum as the originals are in other countries, mainly Britain, France and Germany. A lot was made about the Rosetta Stone in London and the head of Nefertiti in Berlin…!

By this time I feel terrible and poor Becky is very dehydrated and not well at all. We find the minibus and go back to the hotel. Trying to go by a back route we hit another driver. The minibus driver gets out, says sorry, and then drives off! Apparently this is the way things are done! It seems there are too many cars for all the narrow streets and I keep wincing every time we squeeze past yet another double-parked car!! In Cairo, rush hour is every hour. Almost like London, although you’ll find that going through Central at some times of the early hours its not so bad.

Back at the hotel we chill by the pool and just mooch around. The guy selling perfume in one of the hotel stores tries to sell me a non-alcoholic perfume made from pure lily of the valley. It is the most gorgeous smell in the world but I have no way of transporting it back.

Off to Cairo

I managed breakfast this morning and feel a bit better but not yet 100%. I still have stomach cramps and think I might have OCD because I’m washing my hands constantly like a madwoman!! If you touch Egyptian money you have to wash your hands. That means that all you have to do is shake someone’s hands and then you have to wash them, because they might have been touching money. Its just crazy! The water is so dodgy you even have to clean your teeth with bottled water. I might have got some shower water in my mouth. Easily done…!

We left the Orchid this morning and travelled to the airport with a family from Newcastle to go to Cairo for two nights. I have to say the Egypt Air flight was so much nicer than the First Choice one, and if we ever go to Egypt again we’re definitely going to book it with these people. The man behind us wouldn’t get off his mobile phone. He had two flight attendants asking him to switch off and as soon as we started landing he turned it on again and he had another telling off!! Well, that’s what I presumed it was as it involved a lot of angry Egyptian words!!

Cairo is a lot cooler than Luxor. At 35C it is heaven and I actually feel like I can breathe! We meet the rep at the airport, a gangly man looking rather sheepish in his bright Barbie pink First Choice shirt. He should have chosen the multi-coloured one – its far less garish! The rep is travelling with a police escort. The guy is very broad-shouldered and has the biggest handgun you ever saw sticking out his back pocket. Its kinda scary…!

We take the minibus to the hotel which is right on the other side of the city. The financial district is very modern looking with tall towers and brand name shops, but the rest of Cairo was quite dilapidated. As far as the eye could see there were ramshackle looking houses and you could tell that most people living in Cairo were pretty poor.

The hotel in contrast is big and shiny. We freshen up and go to the light show being held at The Pyramids. It was absolutely fantastic and Marlon Brando’s (or is it Ben Kiingsley?) voiceover was just incredible! It told the story of how the pyramids were made, why, and also talks about the lesser known smaller pyramids of the queens and children.

Outside some beggar children asked Reuben for ‘baksheesh’. He held out his hand and went ‘baksheesh’ to them, and they started dancing for him. It was quite amusing to see this kid trying to dance among the crowds of people, coaches and a cow lying in the middle of the road!

The West bank

It is a scorcher today and I do not feel good. I’m very excited to see the Valley of the Kings and we have an early start as it is very exposed so its important to see it all before the sun gets too high. However, as it is with most tour groups, there are always slow people and it makes the day drag longer than necessary. Today felt like one of those days. Its only 9am and I feel very faint with the heat.

I somehow manage to go into the tombs of Rameses the Great and Rameses IV before feeling so bad I simply have to sit down. My stomach is cramping like mad and the tablets I took earlier are not helping at all. One of the women on the boat with us offered to take me back so we go to the centre for a loo break and then to the coach. We drive on to Hatsheput’s temple and I think I’m going to collapse, even though I’m sitting down in an air-conditioned coach! I stay behind. Reuben feels bad leaving me behind and offers to stay with me, but I tell him to go on without me or I’ll feel bad for making him miss out!

It is turning out to be 47C today and even Reuben is suffering from the heat! Everyone returns from the temple and just before we set off again I throw up. So much for the scarab’s good luck! Only the thing is, the loo is so small that I have to stand outside so I can lean over the bowl so everyone can hear me and the poor couple behind me have to watch the entire thing. Great. I’m sick and incredibly embarrassed. I apologise to the couple behind me.
“As long as you’re okay?” the man says.
I weakly nod, feeling like absolute shit, and try to sleep on Reuben’s shoulder. The coach sets off for the Valley of the Queens. I just want to sleep. Some others stay back on the coach as well as its now too hot for them as well.

By the time we get back to the Orchid everyone is asking if I’m okay, that I seem to look better, and maybe I should have some hot lime juice and sleep. I go straight to my cabin and sleep all day. I get woken up for lunch but refuse to eat. I get woken up for dinner and manage two spoons of soup before feeling sick again. Man I feel soooo shitty.

The East bank

We went through the Esna Lock at 10.30am this morning. We watched the engine crew working at the front and edging forwards in the queue of traffic going through the lock. It took a good hour to start queuing and actually get through. The engine crew must be suffering! We think its hot just standing on deck but image if you were working inside with all that steam from the engines around you all the time. Its just unthinkable working conditions.
Here in Luxor you have the East and West banks. The East bank contains Luxor itself and all the temples, shops, hotels etc. The West bank is where all the farmers and alabaster shops are, as well as the Valley of the Kings, Queens and Hatsheput’s Temple.

So it’s the East bank today and we went to Karnak temple and Luxor temple this evening. Both were amazing but unfortunately I feel a bit ‘delicate’ – Egypt is notorious for causing diarrhoea, no matter how careful you are - so didn’t enjoy them as much as I normally would have.

Karnak temple had a sacred lake and scarab statue, and a walk seven times around the scarab anticlockwise brings you good luck. Hope it brings me good luck as being dehydrated through a stomach virus in a very hot country does not make a happy Clare!

Luxor temple was beautiful and has a Coptic church tucked away in the back but it wasn’t in the best of conditions. Most of the decorative paint had come away and the stone looked very worse for wear.

I'm in Egypt...

And doing nothing again. Its great! There are some mad people sunbathing in nearly 47C heat of the midday sun but then if they want skin cancer, that’s up to them! I’m staying here in the nice cool air-conditioned bar with my free teas and cakes! Good thing about all-inclusive trips: all drinks and food are free, even the alcoholic drinks, although its so hot you wouldn’t drink much as you’d just dehydrate quicker than ever! Tea is good for heat. I’m liking Egyptian tea.

Some people went to Abu Simbel at 4am this morning. We saw some pictures taken by another tourist and they were excellent. Reuben and I definitely need to go there another time!

The ship started to sail back to Luxor this afternoon after its two day stay in Aswan. We are expected to go through the Esna lock later tonight which should be quite a sight but Egyptian time could mean it won’t happen until early morning…

Aswan

We’re in Aswan and its very very hot. And we’re doing nothing! I love my holiday. All the other tourists have gone to the Aswan Dam, Unfinished Obelisk and Philae temple. Some of them are also going on the camel ride to a nearby Nubian village.

Today the kitchen staff serve traditional Egyptian food so we have ful, rice and something very similar to moussaka. It was delicious. For dessert it was baklava which was so good that I simply have to buy some when I get to duty free!

Some of the passengers wanted to go on a felucca, a working boat on the Nile. It was a bit pricey for what it is, so Reuben and I opted out and just waved at everyone from the top deck! The felucca trips look like fun though. Earlier a felucca with a party on board went by. There was dancing and drums and just enough space on the felucca for ten people!

Kom Ombo

Kom Ombo temple is dedicated to Sobek so it has a small area of mummified crocodiles. It also contains the only known Egyptian calendar so Islam was translating the seasons and the number of days worship needed for each festival while pointing at the symbols on this calendar. If any tourist went there without a guide, they would have missed it and just thought it another pretty pattern. It was amazing and so good to have that kind of knowledge behind the visits!

This evening we had the option of seeing Philae Island from a boat ride but we opted out. All this heat is beginning to tire us out and we came here to relax!!

Edfu Temple

I can’t believe how damn hot it is here! I’m wearing sunblock, sitting in the shade, and I’m still getting a tingly feeling on my arms and legs. I think Reuben is turning a darker shade of brown…

We paid up for our excursions, which we thought were included but it was a misreading of the brochure. We’re going to all the temples except Abu Simbel and Philae and are passing on the day trip to Aswan dam and the Unfinished Obelisk. Maybe another time. Both require a 4am wake up call and a police escort for a 3 hour trip through the burning desert! Uhm, no thanks! We’re on honeymoon and would like some lie-ins please without worrying about being hijacked!!

So first trip is to Edfu Temple. It is gorgeous and our Egyptologist guide, Islam, points out all the interesting carvings and explains the myths and history behind the temple’s origins. He also recites the story of Isis, Osiris, Nephthys and Seth which was a better translation than I remember reading about in my mythology books. It was very hot though, even for 5pm. This area of Egypt is about 40-45C most days, and the lower temperature is while standing in the shade! Oh yes, I was suffering!! Back on the boat we sailed towards Kom Ombo ready for our early morning tour at the temple there.

The Orchid

We got to the airport okay but the airline gave us seats ‘together’ which was with an aisle between us. I wonder what word they use when you sit without a large gap between you… The food was nasty. Some undercooked scrambled egg, a sausage that tasted of about 40% meat and some very squidgy mushrooms. My stomach flipped and I nearly threw up from the smell. However when Reuben told me on the plane we were going on a cruise for the first week I nearly had a hernia. I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise, and a cruise in Egypt is just incredible! I can’t wait…

The cruise ship is the Orchid and is fairly average as cruise ships go. It has a good number of staff running the laundry, room service, engine room, bar, restaurant and kitchen, and reception. The waiting staff are hilarious! “Egyptian?” they ask Reuben.
“No, guess where I’m from!” he challenges.
“India? Africa?”
“Mauritius!”
“Where?”
(This was to continue for the rest of the holiday!)

Anyway they teach us some Arabic words. ‘Aalikyum asalam’ means ‘hello’, ‘chokran’ means ‘thank you’, ‘laa’ means ‘no’ and ‘baksheesh’ means ‘money’. Seriously, these are all the words you need!!! When you get hassled by the street traders you just say ‘laa baksheesh’ or just ‘laa laa laa’ (no-no-no!). Easy peasy!

The food is okay. They must think we eat roast beef every day because that’s all they seem to serve. Oh and there are always roasted or boiled potatoes. I’m avoiding raw veg, fruit, salads and dairy. So I can have the grilled veg but not the cheese omelette. My tea and coffee will be black. The only dairy I will have is a smidgen of milk with my cereal!

The travel rep briefs us on Egyptian customs so we don’t offend people, and warns us about the aforementioned street traders. There are also special tourist police in white uniforms at all tourist attractions in case we get in trouble and need help. We were also told about taxi drivers and how unless you are firm and specifically say where you want to go, they will take you to meet their family and will be obliged to buy things from all their shops!

Gatwick Worth Hotel

The hotel we stayed in at Gatwick is horrible. All the eateries are shut by the time we get there and it is all very gloomy. The TV reception is bad and the vending machine is extortionate. Need a holiday right now!

The aftermath

People are calling me ‘Mrs’ and I hate it already. ‘Mrs’ implies that I’m old. I’m not. I’m 29. so I might be ‘Ms’ for the time being. Reuben and I were second down for breakfast; Pamela and David have beaten us to the top spot! We don’t look too worse for wear in our t-shirts and jeans, but I have popped my tiara back on for a bit of post-bridal glamour! We get the remaining guests to sign our guestbook which we forgot to get out yesterday, and see everyone off with our table decorations clutched in their arms! Amanda and Steve help us pack the car and take it all to our flat, and laugh as Reuben struggles to carry me over the threshold without pulling a back muscle!

After they left we returned the suits and then started to pack for our honeymoon. All I know is that its in Egypt for two weeks, nothing else. I don’t even know where in Egypt so I can’t read up on it beforehand. Its all very exciting though!

The Big Day

I got hardly any sleep last night. I was too excited. It was like being a kid and going to Disneyland. We all had breakfast kindly brought, prepared and cooked by Amanda – salmon and scrambled egg on muffins with strawberries and raspberries. After our filling breakfast we all showered/washed, dressed and got ready to move to the hotel.

We arrived in two cars and waited around in the reception for a while until the room was ready. Our hairdressers arrived while we were waiting and we all went up to the room together, laden with dresses, shoes, headpieces, makeup, suitcases… I had one hairdresser while Tara and Amanda had another – my hair took much longer to straighten then curl into place! I then did my makeup and waited around until the last minute to put my dress on. During this time Anna panicked about the buttonholes not arriving yet, Debbie phoned about missing a train and being late, Nanny’s room was not on the ground floor, and several rooms were in a state of not being ready or cleaned in time for people to check in and get changed. Oh, and I worried that the bathroom lights had been left on and could Steve go check? Poor old Tara and Amanda were running up and down the hotel seeing people and fetching things, it was mad!

Finally 2.30pm rolled by and Amanda tied me up into my dress. 3pm on the dot John the photographer arrived and things got rolling. We did a number of poses and Dad was called up for some shots too. John then left to take some photos of people arriving and I started to pace. My stomach tightens a little with nerves and Amanda does a last-minute tightening of the dress! Finally Iain came up to say everyone was ready and we started going downstairs.

Dad is patiently waiting by the doors that lead into the gardens. Yes, we are getting married outside in the gazebo (which is a permanent structure so the marriage is legal!). There are lots of people here. Lots and lots of people. I don’t think I know some of them. The music starts and Tara and Amanda start walking. And then Dad and I start walking. And I start to feel a bit choked up as its all fitting into place and finally (finally!) happening! Only 15 months of planning…!

I reach the gazebo and Reuben is standing there, looking a little nervous himself, and is just gorgeous in his morning suit! I somehow manage to get inside the gazebo and the music stops. Then the ceremony starts. Jenny’s poem was excellent and Sabina’s reading was really well done too. I did sniffle a little bit but only because I couldn’t actually believe that someone as wonderful as Reuben was actually getting married to me!!

Once the ceremony was over and the bans signed, it was drinks and snacks while speaking with everyone who came. John was stalking me so there are lots of photos with me with funny expressions on my face as I’m yakking away. Then the group photos started. And then Reuben and I went out the back to have our own photos done. And then we did mock-cake-cutting and champagne toasting. My face really started to ache from all the smiling involved!

We then went out and started a receiving line into the reception hall for the meal. This way we get to say ‘hello’ to everyone at least once! It was during this time that my dress tore. I’d greeted off the last lot of people and suddenly there was this ripping sound and my train was on the floor with the hook hanging by a single thread. I was mortified!

But no time to waste. I rip the hook off its thread and hold on to it as Reuben and I enter the reception room. We cut the cake for real in front of lots of flashing cameras. It was like being at a film premiere! We then sit down and my dad did his ‘father of the bride’ speech, which was very good. Reuben then made his ‘thank you’ speech and Jeshen did a hilarious ‘best man’ speech. Definitely one of the better ones I’ve heard!

Then finally we eat! Salmon and prawn roulade followed by lamb and veg for the meat eaters, and melon trio followed by celeriac and goats cheese rosti for the veggies. All the food was excellent and people made the most of the table wine! While wedding cake and coffee was being served, Reuben and I visited some tables to chat with people some more. I was then whisked off by Tara and Pete to get my hook sewn back onto my dress so I could have my train up for the dancing. Pete spent a good five minutes concentrating very hard on my buttocks while sewing the hook! No, seriously, he did a fantastic job. Some people trod on the train afterwards and the hook still held! I was very impressed.

Hook sewn and shoes cleaned to the best of anyone’s ability, I rushed back to the reception hall to find Kev’s very impressive disco set-up. Very large speakers were booming out music and powerful purple light beams were shooting around the room. I double check the music order and ask for a nice white spotlight! And then Reuben and I dance to my fave song, Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. We had Heatwave’s Always and Forever afterwards and our parents and Tara and Pete danced along to that too.

And then the Indian music came on. All of Reuben’s side were jiggling away for ages so I asked for a bit of Western stuff. Suddenly, they all sat down and my side were dancing instead! It was a bit funny actually. But the dancing went on until about 2am so everyone had a good time!! I had a few drinks and got to dance with some people I hadn’t seen in ages.

Admittedly we went to bed about 12:45 because my dress was killing me by that point, but the party was definitely still going strong after we left. We got upstairs and Reuben started to untie me. I had red lines all the way down my torso where the dress had been holding me in all day. I even thought I had some minor bruising at first but it ended up just being heat patches where my skin couldn’t breathe.

But it was a great day. I remember every single second and wanted to do it all over again!!

One more day to go…

Reuben is going to work today but I have a day off. The first thing I do is drive to Hoddesdon and pick up my wedding dress. It is a beautiful full-length Amanda Wyatt strapless ivory dress with beading and ruching to one side. It is stunning! At home I hung it up in the spare room to air and straighten any creases. I then texted Reuben to say that if he came home while I was out he was forbidden to enter the spare room!!

I went out again and went to a small nail place in ‘old’ Cheshunt to have a French manicure. The women in there just spoke to each other in their own Oriental language and didn’t say a word to me other than ‘What you want?’ and ‘£8 please’. It was a good job though and was otherwise a pleasant experience.

I rushed home and was just in time to great Melissa and Jenny back from their rambles in York. We had a chat and went through their photos. Reuben came home and had an armful of stuff people at his office had given him – a banner, cards and vouchers. He then went off to deliver the hired suits to everyone and stay at his parents’ for the night. I gave him a mock-stern warning to turn up the next day and then we all got ready for our girly night in. I had pizza, wine and romantic slush. Anna, Amanda and Tara all arrived and Melissa grabs ‘Slipper and the Rose’ and starts to watch it. I don’t think she realised it was a 3hr musical… Halfway through and after lots of fast forwarding we plumped for ‘Love Actually’ instead!

I insist on an early night – don’t want too many eye bags – so beds were inflated and goodnights were said over Jenny’s singing ‘Get Me To The Church On Time’.

Hen night!

So I survived my hen night!
Jane, Tara and Amanda arrived at mine and we feasted on very strong Cosmos and champagne with Archers! Fired up and raring to go, we all bundled into Pete’s and Reuben’s cars, as they had offered to drive us there and pick us up afterwards. It took ages to get there, to the point where we were still 45 mins away and the others had already arrived!

When we finally got there the salsa lesson was just starting so we rushed down the stairs, did some quick introductions, and let the dancing begin! As an obvious hen, wearing sash and flashing tiara (which hurt my head so I took it off), I was pushed onto the stage with another reluctant hen and we did the basic steps for any salsa dance (and back and forth, and back and forth, and to the bar, and forth, and turn turn turn…).

After the lesson we sat down and had wine/beer and nachos, followed by very bland fajitas. I make mine with lots more spice! We were then offered chocolate cake or tequila shots. What a silly question! So we had tequila shots! Well, when I say ‘we’ I mean that Tara, Amanda and myself had one and then I ended up having another two as other people didn’t want theirs. That was followed by another two. And then we ordered strawberry daiquiris – my favourite! A few daiquiris later we were all twirling around on the dance floor. No chance of dancing alone in this place. The guys edged the dance floor, looking for women to dance with and rapidly twirling round and round to the quick tempo of the live band. I was constantly plagued by men wanting to be ‘my last’ (eww!) and one just didn’t quite get the concept that I was about to get married…
“You have boyfriend?” he yells above the band, in an accent.
“Yes,” I yell back, “I’m getting married in six days.”
“No, I be your boyfriend!”
“No,” I say more slowly, “getting married in six days” and hold up fingers to demonstrate ‘six’.
“No,” he says again, “I be your boyfriend.”
“Naff off!”

I managed to escape eventually! And then I felt a bit drunk. And I was pounced on by another man and twirled around so much I thought I was going to fall over. And then he tried to flip me back over his leg and I tumbled into two chairs and a table. Everyone suddenly rushed over and I inspect a large bruise on my arm. I then decide I’ve had enough and want to go home.

I remember my sisters arriving and some of my friends leaving early. I remember crying though I don’t know what the hell about. I don’t remember much between that and waking up the next morning with still enough alcohol inside me to stop me driving for the rest of the day. Yes, a good night!!

Waiting...

I'm very excited... 10 days to go!!! And only another 2 before my friends are here!! Can't wait...!!

Hen night

My wonderful maid of honour has booked my hen night and I am so very excited. A trip down the Thames on a boat while chugging down a load of Cosmos sounded so very glitzy and glamourous but unfortunately the event organisers cancelled. So instead we've opted for a cool and sexy Salsa night, together with a dance lesson, tapas and hot Latino waiters. What more could a gal want...?!

Beauty trials

I booked a hair and makeup trial a few weeks back and no-one turned up. I was kinda mad because I'd dragged Amanda and Tara down to my place fairly early in the morning (for a Saturday anyway). Then I found out that the woman who was meant to come was in a car accident; broken arm, broken leg, etc. I felt awful. But I got a nice compensation package worth £210 so it wasn't all a tragedy... Extra on top of what I booked was an airbrush foundation and false lashes. Jammy!

So I rebooked for today at Tara's to make it easier for everyone involved. 10 minutes early a young girl looking no more than 18 arrived and I was happy that it wasn't an older person who would have a fixed idea of how to dress my hair and stuff. We had a good natter between us and we had our make up sprayed on and our hair tonged, back-combed and pinned. It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed being fussed over! Then Tara and Amanda changed into their outfits with jewellery and shoes and it all looked so pretty and elegant. I'm so very excited!!!!

Reuben arrived later in the evening to add a bit of male company for Pete (!) and we all went out for an Indian which was very good food. I didn't drink (designated driver) but because we ate late everyone else's beer went straight to their heads!!! It was a fun night and we got home absolutely knackered! It's been a long week...

Indy 4

Anna emailed me at work today and asked if I wanted to go see the new Indy film. Sure, why not? So 7.30pm Reuben and I arrive at the cinema in the hope that we didn't need pre-booked tickets. Not a soul! We are like the first people there! By the time the film started the cinema was still only half-full. Maybe its just been too long since the last Indy film was made...

Anyway, the film storyline is a bit silly and the ending was a bit cop-out but it was cool nonetheless and I enjoyed it. Harrison Ford hasn't lost any of his charisma and they tackle the age issue fairly early on in the film. And there were blink-and-you-miss-it references to the earlier films which was really cool. I have to admit its kinda helped having all the films repeated on TV in the run-up to the film's release. It was a nice little reminder of how good the films are.

Reuben wants to go again. When he goes I'll go see Sex and the City. :)

Drip, drip, drop little April shower...

Yeah, I know April is notorious for rain (yesterday's thunderstorm was awesome) but please! A bit of warmth for 2008 wouldn't go amiss. I'm still wearing my winter 3/4 length coat to work. I even got my boots resoled the other day just because its still too cold to wear my shoes. With all the hype surrounding global warming I would expect temperatures to exceed 15C by now...

Mice for lunch

So apparently we have mice in the office and it’s a result of people eating at their desks. So could we please eat elsewhere? Sure, just tell me and I’ll go. Let me just give you a few pointers first:
1. Work is inside an industrial depot in east of Tottenham with no canteen
2. The park at the front is notorious for mugging, pervs and drug dealing
3. The nearest eateries are a 10min walk and have a Burger King, Pizza Hut and KFC (not good for the calorie conscious… or any type of conscious if you eat junk for lunch every working day)
4. The high street is 10min walk in the other direction, notorious for mugging, stabbings, shootings and drug dealing
5. … Well, other than my car there isn’t anywhere else to eat. Guess I’m staying at my desk.

Crafts by Clare

I have just spent the last 2 days making wedding invitations. I never want to make another card again! At least they’re pretty. And everything is done and dusted now so all we have to do is wait for the reply cards to come flooding in and we can do a table plan. Then we just wait for the big day!

British Summer Time...?

The clocks went forward at 2am this morning for the start of British Summer Time. Summer is officially here! And outside it is snowing. Yep, you read correctly, it is snowing.

Reuben is in Manchester watching Liverpool v Man Utd. My cousin got free tickets for an executive box, someone dropped out, and would Reuben like a 3-course meal and a chance to watch his fave team for free? Well, there’s a no-brainer!

Reuben said, “Man Utd won 3-0. At least the food was good…”

Wanna V?

V festival tickets went on sale today. I had 3 browsers all set up ready to buy and when 10am came around, whichever opened first would be the place I bought from. 10.01am and the whole thing crashed. Panicking I open them up again to find two have busy servers and cannot access the page. Nargh! Gigs and Tours has miraculously stayed open but tickets are selling fast. It’s now 10.06 and all weekend and red camping tickets are sold out. I email Anna and ask her if she wants to buy yellow camping tickets (don’t necessarily have to camp!). They sell out before she gets back to me.
I phone Reuben. “How do you fancy Staffordshire?”
Pause. “You really want to go?” Pause. “Yeah it sounds alright...”
I immediately book 3 tickets for Weston Park.

So we’re off to Staffordshire this summer!! Should be good, possibly less crowded and full of nicer people than the Essex chavs we always come across in Hylands Park. Chelmsford is the venue all the radio stations mass book so they can give out tickets during the weeks leading up to the festival. No-one mass books Staffordshire.

Lineup for now: Muse, The Prodigy, Squeeze, Kaiser Chiefs, Kings of Leon, Chemical Brothers, Scouting for Girls, Amy Macdonald, Newton Faulkner, The Hoosiers, Amy Winehouse, The Pigeons, Girls Aloud, Duffy, The Verve…

Florist

The florist flunked out. We went to get a quote 3 weeks ago and she still hasn’t sent us the quote. I phoned a few times and we went into the shop twice but she keeps fobbing us off with excuses…“We close early so we’re busy at the moment”… “It’s Mothers Day weekend so we’re on a tight schedule”… I don’t care. I told her so. Details have repeatedly been left. We’ve decided not to go with her. If she’s like this over a simple quotation who knows what she might be like on the day…?

Jaysen

So Reuben is in Mauritius suddenly because his cousin died over there. Actually his cousin died in The Seychelles but he is from Mauritius and was working in La Digue for a year. Anyways he drowned while swimming in the sea (it is cyclone season so it was maybe a bit foolish to be there in the first place) and Reuben is going over for the funeral.

I feel lonely at home. Everything is too quiet. It is nice to be able to watch the TV without him yakking on the phone though…!

Green Street

Reuben’s mum, dad, sister, aunt and I went to East Ham today to go sari shopping. Amanda needs a sari for her wedding in August and I need one as a pressie from my future in-laws. Green St in East Ham is amazing. Every shop is a sari shop, a jewellery shop or a shoe/accessory shop. The colours, embroidery, beading, fabrics… It was dazzling and gorgeous!

Anyway Amanda got a gorgeous cream one with gold embroidery and gold and red beading and I got a baby blue one with silver beads and crystals.

Then we went browsing for shoes. The shoes were far more elegant than regular shoes and have crystals on the straps and engraving on the heels. They are all mostly either flat ballerina shoes or skyscraper high heels. I’m waiting till my sari has been made before I go crazy and buy every shoe in my size…!!

PS Reuben said I couldn’t have any more shoes. Surely another 3-4 pairs wouldn’t hurt…?